Why I hate The Man, Part 1.

So, clearly I have been living wrong.

I recently went (along with the SoTM) for a business meeting in Chicago. Forget that there was no joy to be had at this meeting, as it involved 10,000 lawyers in close proximity.[1] We arrived safely on our direct flight, our luggage did not. Short one suitcase.

American Airlines assures us it is likely on the next flight. Nope. The one after that? Nope. The suitcase is never seen again. As it contains most of our clothes, including those needed for my business meetings, I ask the people at "Customer Assistance" what they can do for us. The answer? Nothing for the first 5 days.

After I suggest that this is not much help, they authorize us to "spend $50," which American Airlines will presumably eventually reimburse us for. Will $50 buy me new dress shoes, underwear, toiletries, etc.? Hell no. But that's all they can do. The Corporate Man loses my stuff, but there is nothing they can do. Sorry.

Hey, I understand. So, with a loving heart, let me return the sentiment:

F*** you, too, American Airlines.

In short, AA was completely unwilling to help us with the problem they created. Easy solution? Give us a couple hundred bucks in cash to go buy toiletries, some replacement dress clothes, etc.This will allow us to attend our professional events and business meetings clothed in an appropriate manner. If you find the bag, it's money for inconvenience. If not, it is an advance on reimbursement. Either way, we feel a bit better about a bad situation and it reduces the chance of the outcome they got: two highly pissed off professionals who clock about 60 domestic flights a year, but will never, never, never fly AA again. (Here's hoping you go bankrupt soon, you incompetent corporate a-holes.)

We fly back, 4 days later, after a 4 hour delay in taking off, arrive back in Charm City in the early morning. The next day, the government steals our car, which will ultimately cost a lot of time and money to retrieve. That's Part 2, coming soon.

After we arrive, AA faxes us an incredible form to fill out to identify our luggage for the third time, with lengthy instructions for how to make the list of contents for reimbursement. (A word of advice for readers: save all your receipts for everything you might ever fly with. If the airline loses your luggage, the pinhead rat bastards who run the joint are going to need to see those receipts.)


[1] What might one call 10,000 lawyers in close proximity? Well, after considering similar concepts: a herd of cattle, a gaggle of geese, a murder of crows, the kind people at The Malcontent Language Studies Institute of Naming Stuff would like to suggest: a s***heap of lawyers. OK, OK, if you prefer--a poop-pile of attorneys.