Quote of the day.

Seth Stevenson sums up the great hallucinogenic conclusion in today's Slate:

One thing about interesting drugs (not boring drugs like cocaine or Vicodin) is that they can help you appreciate simple truths. Things you've been taking for granted. I mean, you look down at your hand, and the drugs say, "Wow, far out, there are bones inside my hand!" but then the sober, together voice in your head says, "Well, of course there are bones inside your hand, you doofus—you have a skeletal system to provide structure for your body," and then the drugs say, "No, dude—there are bones inside my hand! That is trippy!"

Right on the money. At least, that's what The Malcontent has heard. Right, right? Has heard.

Why I hate The Man, Part 1.

So, clearly I have been living wrong.

I recently went (along with the SoTM) for a business meeting in Chicago. Forget that there was no joy to be had at this meeting, as it involved 10,000 lawyers in close proximity.[1] We arrived safely on our direct flight, our luggage did not. Short one suitcase.

American Airlines assures us it is likely on the next flight. Nope. The one after that? Nope. The suitcase is never seen again. As it contains most of our clothes, including those needed for my business meetings, I ask the people at "Customer Assistance" what they can do for us. The answer? Nothing for the first 5 days.

After I suggest that this is not much help, they authorize us to "spend $50," which American Airlines will presumably eventually reimburse us for. Will $50 buy me new dress shoes, underwear, toiletries, etc.? Hell no. But that's all they can do. The Corporate Man loses my stuff, but there is nothing they can do. Sorry.

Hey, I understand. So, with a loving heart, let me return the sentiment:

F*** you, too, American Airlines.

In short, AA was completely unwilling to help us with the problem they created. Easy solution? Give us a couple hundred bucks in cash to go buy toiletries, some replacement dress clothes, etc.This will allow us to attend our professional events and business meetings clothed in an appropriate manner. If you find the bag, it's money for inconvenience. If not, it is an advance on reimbursement. Either way, we feel a bit better about a bad situation and it reduces the chance of the outcome they got: two highly pissed off professionals who clock about 60 domestic flights a year, but will never, never, never fly AA again. (Here's hoping you go bankrupt soon, you incompetent corporate a-holes.)

We fly back, 4 days later, after a 4 hour delay in taking off, arrive back in Charm City in the early morning. The next day, the government steals our car, which will ultimately cost a lot of time and money to retrieve. That's Part 2, coming soon.

After we arrive, AA faxes us an incredible form to fill out to identify our luggage for the third time, with lengthy instructions for how to make the list of contents for reimbursement. (A word of advice for readers: save all your receipts for everything you might ever fly with. If the airline loses your luggage, the pinhead rat bastards who run the joint are going to need to see those receipts.)


[1] What might one call 10,000 lawyers in close proximity? Well, after considering similar concepts: a herd of cattle, a gaggle of geese, a murder of crows, the kind people at The Malcontent Language Studies Institute of Naming Stuff would like to suggest: a s***heap of lawyers. OK, OK, if you prefer--a poop-pile of attorneys.

Quote of the Day.

One must, it is true, forgive one's enemies -- but not before they have been hanged.

Heinrich Heine, Gedanken und Einfälle

Fatwa anyone?

Pat Robertson loses his mind and goes for the "Hey, it works for Bin Laden" Broadcasting Award.

Goodbye, Doctor.

We shall not see his like again. (Trite, but in this case, probably true.)

The Intelligent Design Fight--Round 6,592.

As the assorted dingleberries in Kansas, Pennsylvania, and the White House reject evolution and push for creationism Intelligent Design to be taught as an "alternative theory" to evolution, they forget a few minor points: it's not science, it's not a theory, and.......oh, right! It's crap.

Jack Marburger, the President's own science advisor labels I.D. as unscientific. The New Republic published an excellent review and historical essay to explain why I.D. is piffle, and how it is merely creationism in a new coat. What amazes us here at The Malcontented International House of Skepticism and Pancakes is that we are still fighting this fight some 80 YEARS after the Scopes trial. (Does each new generation of zealots for their flavor of the big Nobodaddy in the Sky have to refight the conflicts of their predecessors?)

The I.D. battle appears to be driven by two aspects--1) religiosity, and 2) a lack of understanding of what science is and how it works.

Why the religious folks can get and keep a toehold is a function of the second aspect. The Malcontent has had a number of well-educated, non-creationist friends essentially put forth the same position as the President--I.D. is just another theory and we ought to expose students to various theories.

Why would these folks say this? (other than to wind my frickin' clock-spring.)

Why? Because they don't have any idea about what constitutes a scientific theory and so they confuse "story" with "theory." Please, my few and faithful readers, if you care about this issue at all, take a few minutes and visit the fine people at the National Center for Science Education and arm yourself to prevent your much-beloved, well-meaning, science-ignorant, chemistry-class-skipping friends from being sold a load of crap wrapped in pseudo-scientific deceptive babble.

(And before I get the emails saying "You hypocritical bastard! What about your oft-repeated statements about how much you love the First Amendment?", let me say this: The creationists have an absolute right--which I fully support--to believe what they do, but the silly bastards have no right to integrate their religious beliefs into compulsory state education, and we, as citizens, have a right to prevent such religious beliefs from coming into our schools.)

Disturbing, but think of the upside.

You could grow a steak the size of a small truck, presumably.

I've got my doubts as to whether people will find the above-linked method of meat production acceptable. Cloning livestock seems to make people skittish, much less meat-from-a-vat. Of course, growing it in a vat would likely take up a lot less water and grain and land resources than our current method of raising livestock for meat.

I wonder if we would be able to grow it in specialty shapes? You know, send in a picture or two, and then get a pork chop with your profile, or in the shape of the Statue of Liberty (the latter being handy for Fourth of July cookouts).

On the other hand, if it goes into production without much fanfare, maybe no one will care. Folks in the U.S. have been eating GMO crops for years with little in the way of substantial protest. People in the E.U., and particularly the U.K., have been much more vigorous in their opposition to GMO crops, particularly grain (which ends up in lots of other products).

In the U.S., it seems that GMO has been opposed mainly by the foodie crowd, with some support from the "we protest everything" crowd. (Anyone remember Starlink? Anyone?)

So, maybe I'm just way off on this, and people will have no problem with meat-from-a-vat. I guess milk from clones may be the first real test, but I still find it all a bit creepy.

I'm screwed.

Is it just me, or is this screen hard to see?

Disco Biscuits for Granny?

That's right, we're going to have to hide the glo-sticks from Grandma. (and it's not good news for Dr. Ricaurte, either, who claimed Ecstasy caused Parkinson's. ) Still, it is going to be a lot harder to rave all night long on an artificial hip, but it ought to be a hell of a show.

We're back. (but still not wearing pants.)

Well, it has been roughly half a year since The Malcontent Amalgamated International Blogging Syndicate, LLC went on hiatus.

Surely many of you (yes, we mean you, ACW) are asking "Why? Why on earth would you return? Can't you just leave us in peace?"

Well, we could, but we won't. I mean, who else will help you keep track of the comings and goings of Chlumsky? Focus on critical matters of science?

OK, hopefully, The Malcontent has decompressed from the last election cycle and will avoid politics and stick to things we actually enjoy, like lunch. But no promises.

This cannot bode well for anyone.

Commence system restart.

Systems check 1..........check.
Systems check 2..........check.

Attention, Malcontent Mission Control.
Please stand-by for new transmission.